Yay, more rants. STFU and go away if you have a problem.

SO i stopped and thought. Where do i fit in? I mean, yes, I am a nerd. Ok, but even amongst nerds, I am on the outside. I look at the rennies and feel as if I am on the outside. There are those that don't make me feel that way, but they do that for everyone. I dunno, I just don't know where I fit in, in this world. Hell, I don't even know where I fit in my life sometimes. It seems that I just let people run it to how they see fit. What I mean by this is that I just let people run over me. What do i get out of it, I get attention. I crave attention, I crave acknowledgment, I crave people to see me, but I wont let myself be seen. I am rarely seen of my own volition, and more often seen because someone wants something. As in, they want my attention, my acknowledgment, my affection, etc. But then after that, and with the little i recieve, i am put back in my dark little corner to await the next person who will see me and use me and give me that attention i crave. I really don't know how to break this, how to break out and be visible to more people. The people that have seen me because I am me and show myself, well i often disappear to them. And you know what, I do that on purpose, becasue to me, the friends that are worthy are the ones that are willing to follow me down that dark path to find me and stay with me in my dark places, in those dark corners or shadowey lanes of life. Those few friends that do, they are the ones that help me break out of my shell. The thing is, I fall back in it so easy. I slowly just start to fade back into the shadows again, watching, waiting. Trapped by my own self.



I wrote some more today, but not sure if i should post it. I don't like what i wrote at all and think it sucks the big one.